Everything will be okay.

so its been a pretty hard few days, and i guess that fairly obvious. what i wasnt expecting was the support and love that i received. especially the messages from people i havent spoken too for years. it was amazing hearing from them today and for them to tell me that they are there for me, its amazing how it can add a little light to a bad day. i never realised how fortunate i was to have the people around me that i do and i know i say this a lot but its true. my lecturers have been amazingly supportive and it feels so good to be at a university that truly care about their students, it makes it just that be easier to be honest about my depression. i use to be so ashamed thinking i shouldnt be sad, im so lucky but i realised pretty quickly thats not how it works, it is simply a problem with the chemicals in my brain and theres not much i can do about that. theres no quick cure, well there is medication but its not certain that they will work. in most cases it is something that you will have for life. a permanent presence that can sneak up on you when you least expecting it.

the one thing i have learnt in the 4years since i was diagnosed is its okay to have days where you dont get out of bed. thats fine if you need that time take it, your ill and sometimes rest is the answer to that illness. and as i said in my last post its okay to admit that your struggling, to tell those around you that you need help, that your not sure you can do this alone. i have also found that sometimes its the people you dont expect to be the ones that gives you the words to get you through that day. one thing that i know helps me is splitting my day into little goals and sometimes those goals are eat breakfast or wash, and once who have achieved those small goals it feels good. my mum tried to encourage me to sort my clothes out but i think she knew that that wasnt going to happen, so my goal for the morning is going for a walk around the town. so in the morning that whats im going to aim to do. exercise is one of the few things that makes me feel better, mainly dancing and tonight i went to dance and actually using my body put me in a better frame of mind, made me realise as i walked home from the train station that things will work out. il find my happiness

im a big believer in taking chances. this blog was a chance that i was scared to take, to let the world into my slightly strange mind, and my depression something that iv kept secret. but i dont regret it, not because i want peoples support but because im hoping that it helps people understand what its like living with depression. however, back to my point, i believe in taking chances and putting your heart out there so thats what iv done, and will it work out who knows probably not but i know i will never look back and regret it. things happen good or bad but they happen for a reason im sure thats true and people believe in fate but sometimes you need to make your own fate, you need to take a look at your life and think, i get to choose what happens no one else. and despite all of my problems and despite my world having changed massively im going to start to try and make the decisions in my life, not let other people do that for me. so to anyone out there reading this, everything will be okay, you will be happy but sometimes you have to take the bad first. and also when things are bad chocolate and ice-cream can really help make things better.

so im going to try and look forward and fight through this really hard days, and im going to put a smile on my face and eat cake. i can get through this and so can any of you. and its so important to remember how strong you are and dont ever let anyone tell you otherwise.