No.2

So i got some amazing feed back on my last post and all of my friends were incredibly supportive and said that i should carry on writing as it helps me but it also helps others understand what its like having depression. i dont plan only on writing about depression, but one of my amazing friends suggested that i write what i do when im feeling really down to help others who might also be in a bad place and i liked that idea so thats what im going to do also.

many people dont talk about having depression because they think it makes them sound crazy, but having depression and anxiety does not make you crazy, it simply means that you have a chemical imbalance in your brain. in fact if you type serotonin into google it will come up with a number of links to serotonin levels and how it can affect depression. i shall put the link at the end of my post. depression doesnt happen to certain people it can happen to anybody as i've realised in the last few days. it can make you feel numb no matter what amazing things might be happening around you, you may smile but inside theres nothing just emptiness. and then with the emptiness theres the never ending feeling of sadness, and the worst part is half the time you dont know why your sad. the sadness just surrounds you, making you feel like someone is physically pushing you down, almost as if your drowning and all you can do is hide under your duvet and hope it will go away, and sometimes it does, sometimes it will last a day, other times a week and when things are really bad it can last longer months. often to add to the depression, theres anxiety, always worrying, getting anxious about the smallest things.

these are things that i feel all the time, i can say one thing to a person and then i will obsess for days about it, worrying i have upset them said the wrong thing, panic they hate me, that everyone will hate me. and because of this i can come across as cold or i dunno bitchy or full of myself. but im not, well i hope im not, most of the time it is a front to protect myself because i dont feel strong on the inside and as sad as it sounds all i want is to be liked. but i know most of the time that it is just my insecurity talking and that i am stronger than that. so if you have any feelings similar to this than there is nothing wrong with that and it doesnt mean that you are crazy, and its not something to be ashamed of.

as iv mentioned before im really lucky to have some truly incredible people in my life who are always there, who when things are bad i know are a phone call away. also my family are pretty damn awesome and i love them a lot. i was also lucky to have an amazing guy in my life, who was there through everything, including when i got diagnosed and i remember being scared, scared that i wasnt me anymore, but he reminded me everyday that i was, and for that il always be greatful, and i hope he knows that. so dont forget even when things feel like they are at their worst, theres always people who love you and will be there for you and they will remind you of who you really are. and one of the things i do when things feel really bad is watch the films that are incredibly cheesy and stupid because for as long as that films is i feel a little bit brighter and i guess happy for as long as that film is on.

lately one of the things i have found help me the most is dancing. at my dance school their is a choreographic competition, and me and one of my best friends are making a dance. at first i was super competitive but now i realise thats not why im doing it, im doing it because i love dancing and the way it makes me feel. how when im dancing for myself, as cheesy as that sounds, i forget to be sad and i feel happy. so its important to find something that your passionate about that makes you feel happy even if its only for a couple of minutes because thats all the matters, and when you have that its possible to see that depression doesnt make you, its an illness that might not go away forever, but there are things you can do to make it easier.


heres the link i was talking about: http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/serotonin